The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity.
Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
Witness: "I only have one, you know."
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Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
Witness: "By death."
Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"
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Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"
The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.
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Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?"
Witness: "July 15th."
Lawyer: "What year?"
Witness: "Every year."
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Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."
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Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
Witness: "Er...his face."
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Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "And in what ways does it affect your memory?"
Witness: "I forget."
Lawyer: "You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?"
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Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"
Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?"
Witness: "Forty-five years."
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Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
Witness: "My name is Susan."
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Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
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Lawyer: "What happened then?"
Witness: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
Lawyer: "Did he kill you?"
Witness: "No."
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Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"
Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."
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Lawyer: "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
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Lawyer: "So you were gone until you returned?"
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Lawyer: "The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"
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Lawyer: "Were you alone or by yourself?"
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Witness: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Lawyer: "Was this a male or a female?"
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Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture."
Witness: "That's me."
Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was taken?"
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Lawyer: "Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?"
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Lawyer: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"
Witness: "I'll be three months on November 8."
Lawyer: "Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "What were you doing at that time?"
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Lawyer: "She had three children, right?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "How many were boys?"
Witness: "None."
Lawyer: "Were there girls?"
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Lawyer: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
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Lawyer: "What is your brother-in-law's name?"
Witness: "Borofkin."
Lawyer: "What's his first name?"
Witness: "I can't remember."
Lawyer: "He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?"
Witness: "No. I tell you, I'm too excited." (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!"
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Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?"
Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?"
Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?"
Witness: "No."
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Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."
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Lawyer: "Were you acquainted with the deceased?"
Witness: "Yes sir."
Lawyer: "Before or after he died?"
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Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."
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Lawyer: "And what did he do then?"
Witness: "He came home, and next morning he was dead."
Lawyer: "So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?"
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Lawyer: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"
Witness: "I could see his head."
Lawyer: "And where was his head?"
Witness: "Just above his shoulders."
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Lawyer: "Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"
Witness: "The victim lived."
Approximately seventy percent of these are made up
Wonder Woman cosplay by Sarah Scott
Clever take on the Wonder Woman design. Unlike the weird bathing suit usually seen in the comics, this actually looks like something a Greek-styled fighter would wear.
I found some additional photos here: http://www.themarysue.com/sarah-scott-wonder-woman-cosplay/
THE FUCKING JACKET!!!
I like the rest of the outfit, but that jacket just doesn’t fucking work. A JACKET ALWAYS LOOKS SILLY ON A SUPERHERO!
Well, this story sure is bringing up the bigot in cartoonists.
Seriously? The man-hole? that is the laziest name for a gay bar I know of.
Still confused. Isn’t that woman supposed to be the liberal stereotype who, presumably, abhors guns? The fact that she’s closing her eyes and turning her head like every woman in a Hollywood action movie indicates she had no experience with firearms (though how she’s not being thrown back by the gun’s recoil escapes me).
And “You two damn be so-“? What the hell is that guy trying to say? And is ‘Roosevelts’ an actual slang term?
Though I like how he’s pulling out a fucking uzi in response to his friends being hit with a piece of lumber. If they were going to rob the couple shouldn’t he have pulled the gun first, maybe a few feet away from them so they couldn’t use the giant piece of wood as a weapon? Shitty muggers.
maybe “damn be so-” is a phonetic version of “piece of shit” as said with a very “ghetto” accent. At least how a racist night percieve it.
Say What Now of the Day: The city of Lincoln, Nebraska, is debating a proposal that would protect the LGBT community from discrimination in housing, employment, and public accommodations, and one local resident just couldn’t miss the opportunity to rant. Jane Skrovota wins Worst in Show for her hate-filled testimony vitriol in public hearings this week.
The lowlights have been helpfully transcribed (but be sure to watch the video; the horrified guy behind crazy lady is a riot):
- “P- E- N- I- S goes into the anus to rupture intestines. The more a man does this the more he’ll be a fatality or a homicide…”
- “A huge percent of gay men in school grounds molest boys, partly because they don’t have AIDS yet…”
- “Hillary Clinton’s roommate four years in college was a gay woman. To avoid going gay like Clinton did, college students need single rooms and single gender dorms… A college woman is seduced with illegal Rohypnol to go gay.”
- “Candida fungus grows hugely on a corpse. AIDS is a candida fungus disease…”
- “Gays can transform to be celibate to live to be 80 years old.”
- “Jesus was kissed by Judas, a homo, who tried to sabotage Jesus’ kind ideas. Do you choose Jesus, a celibate, or Judas, a homo? You have to choose!”
Bigotry and ignorance on parade.
That is a completely crazy person and needs meds, stat.
YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE!
Jeez, I dunno man, Judas tends to get a pretty bad rap. But he was a necessary part of the story of Jesus. The largely fictional story.
He’s right, there isn’t anything wrong with supporting gay marriage. It is disappointing that it took Obama this long to do it.
And at least Gorrell is becoming more timely with his pop culture references, moving up from the 1950’s to the 1990’s. Maybe someday he’ll reference something from this century.
And maybe he’ll get the reference right. The ‘not that there’s anything wrong with it’ always followed a denial of being gay. “I’m not gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with it.” It played on the double-standard of how people wanted to appear to be supportive of gay rights, but they didn’t want to be mistaken for gay.
How does that joke translate to this situation?
Perhaps it might work as a reference to how you can’t really support gay rights without someone else implying that you are gay for doing so.
edit: I realized only after I did this reblog that I’m restating your point.
avatar is childish they said
avatar has no plot they said
avatar has no message they said
avatar is stupid they said
why’d they make a spin off they said
avatar is the one by james cameron they said
where’d you get that sword they said
I fell asleep in the first 30 minutes of seeing avatar. It was that boring for me. They don’t make good movies anymore.
It’s not that Avatar. It’s the one called Avatar: the last airbender. Which predates the crappy James Cameron one.
